Snape's Resolutions

"Er, Severus?" Albus frowned at his Potions Master, as he read the short roll of parchment sitting on Snape's desk.

He took a sip of fine amber mead, and re-read the list in front of him.

"Yes, Headmaster?" Snape looked up from his own glass of mead.

"These...er, these New Year's resolutions..."

"Yes?" A bit impatiently this time. "What about them?"

Albus pushed his glasses back on his long, crooked nose, and began to read:

"I, Severus Snape, hereby resolve to:
1. Be nicer to dunderheads.
2. Stop being so sarcastic and rude.
3. Be nicer to that damned Potter.
4. Be nicer to that damned Weasley.
5. Try to tolerate that know-it-all Granger.
6. Stop being so rude to that damned McGonagall.
7. Stop being so rude to that damned Flitwick.
8. Stop being so rude to that damned Sprout.
9. Be more tolerant to the Headmaster's idiocies.
10. Lose ten pounds."

"Yes, Headmaster? What about my resolutions?"

"Do you really think you need to lose ten pounds?"

***

[According to "meatballmceachern" di milis Snape...]